"Do the best you can until you know better.
Then when you know better, do better."
2006 was one of the those years I experienced all things spirit, at a heightened level. Unfortunately at the time I had little knowledge and no understanding of what was going on. Not being able to fit-in, or feel part of, yet waking up everyday and being "okay", is still a mystery to me until today.
Poem: Why? I don't know
When all I can do is cry
But all you see is a smile
I begin to think about tomorrow
When all I can be is weak
But all you expect from me is to be strong
I can only act out what I am not
When I need to be told truth
But all you're telling is lies
I can only hope it's for a while
When all I can ask for is clarity
But all I keep getting is questions
I only wonder whether I deserve it all
When all I feel like is giving up
But all you do is tell me I am stronger than that
I can only hold my tears back
When I need to be weak
But all you expect is for me to wait on you hand and foot
I can only be strong on the outside
And allow my weakness to kill me inside
WHY? I don't know
Most times I felt like I had to pretend. The truth is, I was not sure who I am and what I stood for. I wasn't pretending, I was also trying to figure it out.
Sometimes in life we go on and feel like we are wearing masks daily, only to find that we were just adjusting to who we are. Alignment is a journey of many turns and mishaps. Be gentle with yourself, Badimo Child. The you you see today, is your whole truth, and if tomorrow's version of yourself is 200% different, that's okay. The saying goes, "When we know better, we do better."
Hope to see next week Thursday for another throw back in my poetry book.
Where are you today? With self and the world?
Love yourself unconditional and forgive yourself hourly. You sleep with you and you wake to you.